The forgotten art of active listening

Throughout my career building partnerships, I've noticed something fundamental — the strongest relationships aren't built on perfect pitches or clever responses. They're built in moments of genuine understanding, moments that only happen when we truly listen.

This isn't about the surface-level listening we often default to in business. I'm talking about the kind of listening that makes people feel seen and understood. The kind that transforms a routine meeting into a meaningful connection.

We've all heard the basics of active listening – maintain eye contact, nod along, repeat back what you've heard. While these practices have their place, truly impactful listening goes deeper. It's about creating space for real understanding to emerge.

Here's what I've learned makes the difference:

Be fully present

When someone's sharing their thoughts, there's a natural instinct to start forming our response or thinking of a similar story. But the magic happens when we set aside our own agenda and truly focus on understanding their perspective. While it's simple, it can change the entire dynamic of a conversation.

Deep insights often surface when we move beyond our prepared questions and really tune into what someone is sharing. It's about picking up on the energy behind their words and following that thread, even if it takes the conversation in an unexpected direction.

Stay with the silence

Those quiet moments in conversation can feel uncomfortable, but they often lead to the most valuable "aha" moments with someone. I've found that sitting comfortably with silence gives people space to share their real thoughts – not just their initial response. Some of our most productive partnership discussions have emerged from these moments of pause.

The ability to sit with silence is particularly powerful in negotiations and deep strategic discussions. When we resist the urge to fill every gap, we create space for deeper reflection and more thoughtful responses.

Follow the thread

The real substance of a conversation often lies in the subtle cues – a slight hesitation, an energy shift when discussing certain topics, or phrases someone keeps returning to. Following these threads has helped me understand what partners truly need, not just what they initially ask for. It builds the kind of trust that turns first meetings into lasting relationships.

Why this matters...

This deeper approach to listening has led to some surprising outcomes in my work:

Better problem-solving

When we truly listen, we often discover that the initial problem isn't the real issue that needs solving. The best solutions emerge from understanding the full context, not just the surface-level challenges.

Stronger partnerships

People remember how you make them feel. Partners who feel genuinely heard are more likely to be open about challenges, share opportunities, and champion your relationship within their organization.

More efficient meetings

It might seem counterintuitive, but taking time to really listen often saves time in the long run. Understanding the full picture from the start helps avoid misaligned solutions and the need for multiple follow-up discussions.

Innovation opportunities

Some of the best collaborative solutions emerge when we listen beyond immediate requests. This deeper understanding often reveals opportunities for innovation that might otherwise be missed.

A simple practice

In your next important conversation, try this… Focus entirely on understanding the other person's perspective before forming your response. Notice what they emphasize, and pay attention to what energizes them. You might be surprised by what you learn!

Would love to hear about a time when listening changed the course of a conversation for you.

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