Classic networking advice to avoid

Over the years, I've heard my fair share of advice on how to network and build professional relationships. Some of it's gold, but let's be honest – some of it's about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Here are five popular pieces of wisdom that might actually be holding you back, and what I've found works better.

1. "Always be closing."

This old sales mantra has somehow crept into general networking advice, and it's doing more harm than good. The idea that every interaction should push towards a "sale" or immediate benefit is exhausting for everyone involved.

What to do instead:

Be genuinely curious. Approach each conversation as an opportunity to learn something new, not as a chance to pitch yourself or your ideas. Ask thoughtful questions and listen actively. Look for ways to add value without expecting immediate returns.

Here's why this works:

When people sense that you're genuinely interested in them, not just what they can do for you, they're more likely to open up. This leads to deeper conversations and more meaningful connections. By focusing on what you can learn or how you can help, you're building a reputation as someone who adds value to interactions.

Real-world example:

Early in my career, I had the opportunity to serve as President of a Chamber of Commerce while simultaneously running my own business. My role at the Chamber involved fostering connections and promoting commerce within our community, which included hosting meetings, organizing events, and getting to know our members—mostly business owners—to help them grow. I made a conscious effort to keep my business separate from my Chamber activities, focusing genuinely on helping others rather than advancing my own agenda. To my surprise, this approach led to a surge in my own business. By building authentic relationships and serving the needs of our members, they naturally referred my services and became clients when the need arose—without me ever having to sell directly.

2. "Fake it til you make it.”

We've all had moments where we feel like imposters in a room full of experts. The advice to just pretend you know what you're doing might seem like a confidence booster, but it could be a shortcut to losing trust.

What to do instead:

Embrace authenticity and a growth mindset. It's okay to admit when you don't know something. Show a willingness to learn and ask for insights from others.

Here's why this works:

Admitting what you don't know makes you more relatable and human. It also opens up opportunities for others to share their expertise, creating a more collaborative atmosphere. People appreciate honesty and are often more willing to help someone who's upfront about where they stand.

Real-world example:

While finalizing a major deal, I needed approval from the prospect’s Chief Compliance Officer (CCO) before we could close. The meeting was going well until he hit me with a technical question filled with acronyms I wasn’t familiar with. Instead of pretending to know the answer, I was upfront and told him I’d need to follow up. Later that day, I got back to him with the unfortunate news that we didn’t have the specific measure he asked about. I was crushed, convinced I had lost the deal. To my surprise, the order came through the next week—and it was larger than expected. I later learned that the CCO didn’t actually need that rare technical feature; he was testing my integrity to see if he could trust me.

3. "Only network with people who can help you.”

This advice often leads to a very narrow and ultimately limiting approach to networking. It encourages people to judge the "value" of others based on their current position or perceived influence.

What to do instead:

Cast a wide net and value every interaction. Recognize that everyone has unique insights and potential.

Here's why this works:

Some of the most valuable connections come from unexpected places. The intern you chat with today might be running their own company in a few years. By being open to connections at all levels, you're building a diverse network that can offer varied perspectives and opportunities.

Real-world example:

Early in my career, I attended a networking event with the goal of meeting key decision-makers in the environmental industry who could help grow my business. As I scanned the room, I focused on who had the most influence and brushed past others who didn’t seem to hold the "right" title. At the end of the night, I noticed a woman standing alone by the door and struck up a conversation out of politeness. She wasn’t a CEO or high-level executive, but we clicked, and I enjoyed our chat.

A few months later, I was surprised when I received an invitation to speak at a prestigious industry event. The person organizing it? That same woman. It turns out she was an event planner for the Indiana Department of Environmental Management (IDEM) and remembered me for the genuine conversation we had. IDEM is the top regulating body in the state of Indiana for Environment protection, sustainability and manages all commerce within the state that falls into this category.

That experience taught me an important lesson: everyone brings value, and networking isn’t just about who can help you now—it's about building real relationships with people, regardless of their title or role. You never know who might open a door down the road.

4. “Keep your personal and professional lives separate.”

While this advice seems sensible on the surface, strict adherence can make you come across as inauthentic or robotic.

What to do instead:

Find a balance that feels comfortable for you. Let your personality shine through in professional settings, while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Here's why this works:

Shared interests and experiences often become the foundation for strong professional relationships. When you bring your whole self to work (within reason), you create more opportunities for genuine connections.

Real-world example:

When I first started my career, I was focused on being seen as a serious professional, so I made a deliberate choice to avoid discussing my personal life as a twenty-something. Then, one day, a client discovered that I had competed in a professional dodgeball tournament on ESPN and started sharing the story with others. I was horrified, thinking it would undermine my credibility and make me seem immature. To my surprise, the opposite happened. People loved the story, it strengthened my relationships, and even led to several new business opportunities.

5. “If you’re not networking, you’re not working.”

This mindset can lead to inauthentic behavior and burnout. It puts quantity over quality and can make networking feel like a chore rather than an opportunity.

What to do instead:

Focus on making meaningful connections rather than trying to meet everyone. Engage deeply in conversations and communities that genuinely interest you.

Here's why this works:

Quality beats quantity when it comes to professional relationships. By focusing on areas and people you're genuinely interested in, you're more likely to form lasting, mutually beneficial connections. Plus, you're less likely to burn out if networking aligns with your interests and values.

Real-world example:

As a business development leader, there are countless events, communities, and networking groups where you can invest your time. While these gatherings are valuable for meeting many people, they often don’t allow for deep, meaningful connections. I discovered that offering clients a shared experience, like golfing, has been an exceptional way to build stronger relationships—especially since I'm an avid golfer. On the course, you have ample time to engage with someone, understand their values, and observe how they navigate both highs and lows, given how challenging golf can be. This almost always has lead to someone becoming a customer, staying a customer or referring me to customers.

The Bottom Line

Building great professional relationships isn't about following a rigid set of rules. It's about being authentic, curious, and genuinely interested in the people around you. It's about giving as much as you take and being open to connections and opportunities in unexpected places.

So, next time you hear some of this advice, take it with a grain of salt. By making these small shifts, you might find that networking becomes not just more effective, but more enjoyable too.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts. What networking advice have you found helpful or harmful?

How do you approach building professional relationships?

Share your experiences – let's learn from each other and continue to evolve our approach to creating meaningful professional connections!

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